It was never supposed to be this difficult. So, how did it become so?

I had grown accustomed to my emotionless ways. I watched individuals in my life, but felt no connection to any of them. I was their "go-to"; the individual they confided in, and trusted. Yet, I never deemed anyone worthy to hear my secrets.

Then you came along. As much as I tried to fight the connection, it consumed me. I did all that was humanly possibly to avoid it, but I could not resist. I avoided sharing my demons out of fear that it would only push you away. It is I, however, that had to push you away. I could no longer be selfish. I could not let you risk your entire life on a passing fling.

But what a wonderful fling it was! Your lips, your touch, your look. It has been far too long since I felt invigorated with such passion.

I will hold on to that parting kiss. It was all I could have hoped it would be. The sadness in each of our voices as we admitted defeat, and committed to letting each other go is deafening. I know that whenever we make eye contact, we will only remember what we shared. This will be difficult, but for the sake of your stability and happiness, it must be done.

It is a cruel world to let me feel so deeply for someone I cannot have.

C: Red ;)
M: Could have had a whole choice of colors
C: Red :)
M: Red it is.
M: You know you make this extremely difficult, right?
C: Yes. I have a problem
M: I'm a solution.
C: What's my problem?
M: You're horny and you like me. And you can't get enough. And I wanna be selfish.
M: Well, I guess the last part is MY problem.
C: It scares me
M: The first time you said that to me, I asked you if you wanted it to go away. And you never answered that question.
C: I know
M: You know it scares me too. I didn't expect to connect with you.
C: Me too.

____________________________________________________

Why do you aggravate me so? I need to keep running away.

It's a whirlwind, and I am starting to doubt my ability to keep up.

One second you are so committed to ending what is between us that you lie about how you truly feel, and then the next you are admitting that there is so much more to us and you cannot let us go.

I am at an impasse. I want to let go, and every time I find myself ready to do so, you bring me back.



Maybe I just need a moment. One moment to look you in the eye and truly kiss you.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, these moments are non-existent.